Lights camera passion, p.24
Lights, Camera, Passion, page 24
I stop when I get to a couple pages of pictures that have Roman and what has to be his parents. In a couple, they’re in the background, but then they all get together and pose. He looks just like his dad, but he has his mom’s nose.
“Sorry. It was my publicist,” Roman says as he walks in. “I guess there’s some photos of me out there today.”
“Yeah. I saw them.”
He goes to the fridge and sighs. “It’s causing a stir on social media. Everyone wants to know more about Emerson and who he is to me.”
I glance down at the album. “Looks like you guys have a lot of history.”
Roman laughs. “Yeah, we were just kids. A lot of those were at auditions or at restaurants down the road from where auditions took place. I haven’t looked at the whole thing yet. Anything embarrassing?” he asks as he takes a sip of his drink.
“Nothing embarrassing.”
“What’s wrong?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
He steps closer, eyes flickering to the open book and then to me. “You don’t have anything to be concerned about if that’s what it is. Emerson brought that to me, for memories sake.”
I turn the page away from the one of his parents and am greeted with another one of Roman and Emerson when they’re clearly past their teen years. Looks like they’re at a party, but again, it’s a shot that shows just how enthralled Emerson was with Roman. Written next to it are the words, I was afraid of letting you know how I felt, but it had to have been obvious to everyone.
On the next page is another one. This time they’re on a couch, sitting closely, but looking at each other mid-laugh. More writing surrounds it. We had so many firsts. Here’s to hoping we can have lasts.
I look at Roman. “He’s in love with you.”
ROMAN
CHAPTER 47
“No, he’s not.”
“He is,” Jacoby states, pushing the photo album toward me.
I look it over and feel a pain in my chest. Not for any reason other than I feel bad that I possibly hurt his feelings last night. I had no idea he had come with the intention of giving this to me. With this message.
“There’s more. Photos of him looking at you the way I do. He’s been in love with you for years. You have history. Are you sure—”
“Don’t even finish that thought, Jacoby.”
He puts his bottle on the table and slides his hands into the pockets of his chinos. “I want you to be sure.”
“I like Emerson. I do. He’s the only friend I have outside of Hollywood. I’ve known him for years, and yes, we have history, but I’ve never loved him. I’ve never daydreamt about our future together. I’ve never lost sleep thinking about him.”
I watch him swallow, his eyes never leaving my face. “Are you saying—”
“Yes,” I say definitively with a nod.
“You dream about our future?” he asks.
I start to feel nervous, like maybe it’s too soon. “I mean, yeah.” I avert my gaze. “I hope and—”
He steps forward, a finger under my chin to force me to look him in the eyes. “I can’t imagine a future without you in it. I’ve tried. I’ve stayed up late in bed, wondering if it would even be possible to give you up. I’ve struggled, thinking you deserve better than me. Someone who wasn’t so afraid. Because I am. I’m nervous about what my announcement could thrust me into. I’m probably not prepared for it. I’ve debated whether I should just remain single and in the closet, so at least nobody else has to be affected by my decisions, or lack thereof.
“But god do I want you,” he says with a sigh. “The way I think about you might border on obsessive. All day, thoughts of you make my brain float off into the sky. When I’m not in the clouds, I’m cemented in concern that you’ll change your mind about how you feel about me. I worry I’m falling too fast, and yet not moving quick enough to keep you.” Jacoby shakes his head. “I’ve never experienced anything like this. My sister is right. I am absolutely lovesick. I hate not being with you, and all I can think about and countdown to is the moment you’re in my arms again.” He pauses, his eyes scanning my face. “I love you, Roman. I love you in a way I never thought possible. I’m afraid of coming out, but I’m afraid of a life without you more, and no matter the fallout, having you to come back to will make it better.”
My insides are all out of place. My heart is in my throat and my stomach is twisted in knots. His words penetrate my brain, and I feel like it might be short circuiting. This man loves me? Me? I can’t fathom it. Everything in me tries to make sense of what he just said, and it’s not until he shifts slightly that I realize I’ve been quiet this whole time.
“You love me?” I finally say, not sure those are the best words to come out first.
He smiles slightly. “Yes.”
I slam into him, my arms wrapping around his neck as my lips taste his. “Oh my god.” I ease away to study his face again before planting another kiss on his mouth. “I love you, too.”
His exhale of relief is audible and the release of tension in his body is visible. “Yeah?”
“Of course.”
He cradles my cheek as he kisses me again and eventually we sag into the stools nearby, our hands remaining entwined and the smiles on our faces etched into place.
“Where do we go from here?” I ask.
His thumb rubs the back of my hand. “We figure out when and how we want to come out. Do we make separate statements at different times? Do we start with our sexuality before we mention that we’re dating?”
“I guess we should talk to our teams first.”
Jacoby nods. “They’ll need to be prepared for the questions.”
“After that, I don’t know.”
“We’ll figure it out,” he says.
I glance over at the photo album. “I can get rid of that.”
Jacoby shakes his head. “No. There’s some photos in there you might want.”
My brows draw in as I think. “Oh. My parents?” He nods, and I reach out and turn the pages until I find them. I touch their faces with my finger. “They’ll never know.”
“Never know what?” he asks softly.
“Anything. They won’t know their sacrifices paid off. They saw me act before they died, but they didn’t see the movies that thrust me into the spotlight. They’ll never know that I got a starring role. They’ll never know that I’m bisexual. They’ll never know you. They won’t see what I accomplish or—” I choke on my words, swallowing them down. “I have so much life left, and they won’t see any of it.” I look at Jacoby. “And you’ll never know them, and I hate that. It’s not fair. They should still be here and I should have parents to go home to and tell things to.”
A tear slips past my eyelashes and falls down my cheek. I swipe at it angrily, but another one replaces it.
Jacoby doesn’t try to placate me. He doesn’t tell me it’s okay and that they can see all these things. He seems to know that saying so won’t offer me comfort. I’m mad. I’m devastated. And I’m allowed to feel those things.
“It is unfair,” he offers. “You were born to two amazing people who created two amazing kids, and they should be here to watch you both grow and live.”
I shake my head. “It’s so dumb. They went on vacation. They wanted to see snow and it killed them. Icy roads and low visibility in the middle of December in fucking Maine, and now they’re dead.”
His thumb continues to stroke my hand, and all the years of pent up anger and sadness are released. I crumble, but he’s there to hold me. He stands and wraps me in his arms as I rest my head against his stomach and sob.
I don’t remember the last time I cried. I know I shed tears when I first found out. I cried alone in my room the night their bodies were flown into town. But then my sister started breaking down. She wasn’t taking care of herself and I put my feelings aside to make sure she was okay. I insisted she eat when she didn’t feel like it. I held her as she wailed into the room. I was strong for her. I protected her. Because I know that’s what my parents would’ve wanted me to do.
When she came out of her depression, I was already used to faking it. Faking like I was fine. Pretending I wasn’t shattered inside. I didn’t want to talk about what happened. I acted as if nothing did. It worked for me, or at least I thought so.
Now I’m curled into Jacoby, crying like it just happened, and ruining the ecstatic moment we just had. What a fucking mess I am.
“I’m sorry,” I say through sniffles, trying to pull away.
“Don’t be,” he says, tugging me closer and running a hand through my hair.
I cry some more and mutter my frustrations into his shirt. I get out every feeling I ever suppressed until I have no more tears to cry and no more anger to lobby into the universe.
Jacoby pulls me up and holds me close as he walks us to my bedroom. Getting me seated, he pulls off my sneakers before toeing off his own.
“Lay with me,” he says, climbing on top of the covers.
I scoot in close to him and rest my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me.
“You can tell me about them whenever you want. You can be vulnerable, angry, or sad. I can know them through you and your memories, and I’ll be sure to keep them safe,” he says, tapping on his chest. “Or you can keep them to yourself. That’s fine, too. I’m here for you. Always. In any way you need.”
I squeeze him around his middle, feeling the tears well up again. This time, for a different reason.
“I love you,” I say quietly.
“I love you, baby.”
CHAPTER 48
When I wake up from a nap, Jacoby is still at my side, his phone in his free hand typing away.
“Welcome back,” he says.
I ease away and stretch my arms. “Were you awake the whole time?”
“Yeah. I’ve sent emails to everyone on my team: management, PR, and my agent. I even texted my assistant. Everyone I work with on a regular basis now knows.”
“That you’re gay or that you’re gay and with me?”
“Both.” He puts his phone down. “That’s okay, right?”
I sit up and rest against the headboard. “Of course. Yeah!” My smile takes over my face. “Let me send emails too. They’ll probably be calling both of us and scheduling meetings soon.”
“I’ve sent calls to voicemail already,” he says with a chuckle. “Followed by a message letting them know we’ll get together soon.”
I reach over for my laptop on the nightstand and open it up. After a few clicks, I’m in my inbox and typing out emails to everyone who needs to know. I close it and look at Jacoby with a smile.
“Now we just have to figure out the how and when of it all.”
He grabs my hand. “Yeah, and we will, but for now,” he says, climbing into my lap and straddling my thighs, “I want to show you how much I love you.” He leans in and kisses my neck. “Or at least how much I love your body. I hope to show you how much I love you in the years to come.”
“Well that sounds good to me.”
I remove my shirt while Jacoby steps off the bed to undress. I scoot down until I’m on my back and start pushing down the pair of basketball shorts I’m wearing.
When he returns, he begins kissing and licking me from my neck, across my collarbone, down my chest, and slowly and teasingly lower and lower on my torso.
I wriggle and writhe, gripping his hair in my fingers as I try to force him to one particular spot, but he’s stubborn. He kisses the tops of my thighs before dragging his tongue across the inner parts of them. When he does show attention to my erection, it’s only with brief kisses on my shaft.
“Flip over,” he whispers.
I quickly oblige. “You’re gonna tease me to death, aren’t you?”
“I’m worshiping you. Now shut up and let me.”
With a playful grumble, I wiggle my ass and endure his languid and deliciously torturous touches. He gently massages my shoulders before nibbling at the flesh on my neck. He kneads my lats as his tongue dances down my spine. And then he cups each of my ass cheeks, spreading and lifting so his tongue can travel easily down the crease.
“Holy mother of god,” I blurt out, my fists squeezing the pillow. “Holy. Yes. God. Oh.”
He pulls away to say, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”
“Shut up. Keep going.”
For several minutes, Jacoby makes up for all the teasing as he devours me. I push my hips into the air, resting on my spread knees in the hopes that he’ll never stop. His hand reaches under me, tugging and teasing my throbbing erection. Jacoby’s thumb brushes over the wetness on the tip and slides it down my shaft as he moans into my ass.
“Fucking Christ,” I curse. “Oh my god, it’s so good. You’re so good. Yes.”
I feel the loss of him when he moves back, and I whimper and whine until he smacks me on the ass.
“Be patient.”
Before I know it, he’s back, and cool liquid covers the wetness his tongue left behind. His fingers slide up and down before he slowly begins to push them in.
For another several minutes, Jacoby ensures I’m ready for him as he edges me to the brink of bliss. When he’s done, he flips me over to my back and nestles between my legs. Holding one of my thighs up, he positions his lubed up cock where it needs to be and starts sliding in.
My own erection feels heavy on my stomach, desperate for attention.
Jacoby’s hips move slowly at first. When I begin to beg and plead, and wrap my arms around his waist to pull him closer, he knows I’m ready for more.
Leaning over me, his lips find mine. I wrap one leg around one of his while I clutch the back of his head with my hand, keeping him in place so I can suck his tongue into my mouth. He continues to rock back and forth, drawing out moans and grunts.
“I love you,” I whisper against his mouth.
“I love you.”
Jacoby moves back, his thrusts going deeper, his movements a little faster. He reaches for my erection and strokes.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, stretching each word with a moan.
“You feel so good, baby,” he murmurs, looking down at me with lust and affection. “I can’t believe you’re mine.”
“Yes, yours,” I pant, sounding more wanton and desperate than anything. “All yours. God, please.”
Jacoby fills me deeply and thoroughly, making fireworks go off behind my eyelids while his hand simultaneously brings me the friction I need. I don’t know how he can work his hips and hand in different rhythms so perfectly, but I’m not complaining.
“Jacoby.” I cry out his name, the sound deep and guttural. “I’m gonna come.”
He moans. “Good. Let me see it.”
“Oh, god. Baby, yes!”
My muscles tighten, and I thrust my head deeper into the pillow as my orgasm hits. I yell into the room, the noise cutting my vocal cords on its way out. Warmth spills down my shaft, and I open my eyes to look at Jacoby.
He’s enraptured. His teeth bite into his bottom lip as he continues to stroke me. My body quivers with aftershocks and my chest heaves with deep breaths, but I can’t stop looking at him. He’s completely undone. Sweat drips from his forehead, his skin is a little flushed around his neck, and his breaths come in deep pants. He’s blissed out completely and so fucking sexy.
Jacoby lets go of my cock, the mess still between his fingers when he grips the underside of my thigh and starts fucking me harder. My body slides up with his movements, my head hitting the headboard with each thrust.
His grunts grow a little more animalistic. His muscles flex, his lips part, and his fingers dig deep into my skin when his orgasm overtakes him.
“Oh, fuck,” he cries just before letting go of my legs and catching himself on either side of me.
He continues to thrust, his rhythm changing slightly as his body jerks with every pump of his release. His sweat-slicked forehead rests on my chest as he sucks in breaths and releases cuss words with each exhale.
Jacoby kisses along my jaw before he pulls away. He flops onto his side with a long satiated sigh. “Give me a second and I’ll grab a cloth.”
I chuckle, still a little winded myself. “I’m not in a rush to move. It’s fine.”
We give ourselves several minutes to catch our breath, but Jacoby gets up first. He washes up and uses the bathroom, bringing with him a warm, wet washcloth when he returns to the bed.
I wipe up the mess on my skin before dabbing at a spot on the covers. “Ah, well. I have spares.”
After I’m done in the bathroom, I climb back into bed with Jacoby even though it’s still the middle of the afternoon.
“Your phone’s been buzzing quite a lot.”
He sighs, his eyes closed. “Yeah. They can wait.”
I smile and wrap an arm around his waist.
Our respective teams do wait. But not for long.
CHAPTER 49
Over the course of a week, both Jacoby and I have meetings with our publicists, managers, and agents. The publicists have more to do in this particular case, but it’s best to get everyone on board. After individual meetings, Jacoby and I, along with our publicists, have a meeting to tackle the information about our relationship and what information we will and will not be providing to the public.
As of now, nobody in the public knows anything, but at least we’re prepared for when it does come out. Jacoby and I have talked a little about how we want to go about it, but mainly we’re focused on each other and soaking up all the private moments we can because as soon as the news breaks, we know the paparazzi will not leave us alone for a second.
In the weeks after our meetings, we’ve both had talk show slots to fill, and the two-day press junket just ended, so we were at a hotel together, doing an insane amount of interviews.
It’s been exhausting and exciting. Our sisters have sent us multiple clips they’ve found on social media; they always include the screenshots of the comment sections because people are going crazy over our banter and friendship. People are commenting on the way Jacoby looks at me or how my hand might’ve lingered too long on his shoulder. There’s definitely quite a lot of people hoping we fall in love, even without knowing the truth of our sexualities. I understand that people get wrapped up in characters and love them so much they want that chemistry to become love. Obviously, that’s not always the case. Almost never. Jacoby and I know now how big of a deal it will be when we do come out as a couple. And now the time has finally come. Our movie premieres tonight.
