Prisoners of Geography meets Bill Bryson: a funny, fascinating, beautifully illustrated – and timely – history of countries that, for myriad and often ludicrous reasons, no longer exist. 'Countries are just daft stories we tell each other. They're all equally implausible once you get up close' Countries die. Sometimes it's murder, sometimes it's by accident, and sometimes it's because they were so ludicrous they didn't deserve to exist in the first place. Occasionally they explode violently. A few slip away almost unnoticed. Often the cause of death is either 'got too greedy' or 'Napoleon turned up'. Now and then they just hold a referendum and vote themselves out of existence. This is an atlas of nations that fell off the map. The polite way of writing an obituary is: dwell on the good bits, gloss over the embarrassing stuff. This book fails to do that. And that is mainly because most of these dead nations (and a lot of the ones that are still alive) are so weird or borderline...

I've been thinking of an adventure more along the lines of pearl-smuggling in the South Seas or discovering a lost continent. We're being sponsored, you see, so it's got to be full of glamorous locations and scantily clad women. He's conquered the seven seas, hunted Moby Dick and rescued Charles Darwin; now the Pirate Captain and his crew are off on another adventure. Their mission this time: to sail to London, buy a new suit for the Pirate Captain and maybe have some sort of adventure in a barnyard.But nothing is ever straight forward for the hapless pirates. In no time at all, the Pirate Captain is incarcerated at Scotland Yard in a case of mistaken identity. Discovering that his doppelganger is none other than Karl Marx, the Captain and his crew are unwittingly caught up in a sinister plot involving communists, enormous beards, and a quest to discover whether ham might really be the opium of the people.

It's come to my attention that the old girl's a little bit past her best. And I can hardly maintain my reputation as a terror of the high seas with bits falling off the boat all the time, can I? The Pirate Captain is in trouble. Eager to appease his crew with a boat that has a functioning mast, fewer holes and cannons that actually fire, he splashes out on the fancy new Lovely Emma, spending six thousand doubloons he doesn't have. Finding themselves in debt to the beautiful but deadly Cutlass Liz - or the butcher of Barbados, as she's otherwise known - the pirates need to raise some money fast. In a desperate race against time our heroes embark on an adventure that will take them from the shores of Nantucket to the bright lights of Las Vegas, to the ends of the earth in search of a mythical white whale, and even, perhaps, into the dark depths of madness. But hopefully they'll be home in time for tea.

Whilst visiting their bank manager on the shores of Lake Geneva, the Pirate Captain and his crew encounter no less than the literary giants of their age: the swaggering Lord Byron, the oddly shifty Percy Shelley - and his beautiful young fiancée, Mary. Together they embark upon a journey that leads them away from Switzerland into the bowels of Oxford, and finally to the forbidding heart of eastern Europe. It is an adventure that will force the Pirate Captain to confront some important questions, namely: what is the secret behind his mysterious belly tattoo? Is 'Zombuloid, the corpse-beast' a better name for a monster than 'Gorgo: Half-man, half-seaweed'? And, most importantly - what happens when a pirate finally falls in love? Women in diaphanous nighties running down corridors! Brooding men with dark hair! Sinister taxidermy! Ghostly banging noises! The Pirates! In An Adventure with the Romantics contains all these things, as well as a bit where the Captain...