“A few weeks.”

  “How long are you going for?”

  “I don’t know. A year maybe.”

  “Fuck,” Cole says slowly like he didn’t expect that.

  We’ve already been through being apart, and it didn’t go well.

  “When were you going to tell me?”

  “Tonight.”

  Cole finally pushes himself away from the wall, but he still doesn’t come over to me. “Considering you weren’t talking to me, that might have been a bit difficult.” He sounds pissed.

  “It’s a wonderful opportunity,” I say, trying to convince myself as much as him. “If I want to be a top rider, this is what I should do.”

  Cole shrugs, still keeping his distance. “Your decision.”

  “Don’t be angry.”

  He raises his eyebrows at me. “Why not?”

  Of course, he’s angry.

  “Are you cross because I’m going away, or because I wouldn’t stop riding when you wanted me to?”

  “Both. You choose to jump a bloody dangerous horse before he’s ready. He’s thrown you twice now. And both times from the moment I saw you fall, I felt like my heart had been pulled out.”

  What? Cole doesn’t talk like that. His heart pulled out? I ignore that. That’s too much.

  “It isn’t Tobias’s fault.”

  Cole snorts. “It never is. Is it?” He shoves his hands even deeper into his jean’s pockets. “You just do whatever the fuck you like, then when you get hurt, I get it in the neck from Tom for letting you try to kill yourself. Now you’re fucking off, and you didn’t even bother to tell me.”

  I frown. I expected Cole to be cross. Disappointed even. But not really angry the way he sounds now. I try to put things right.

  “I’m sorry Dad blames you. I could tell him it was me and you tried to stop me.”

  “Pfft,” says Cole. “Like he’s going to believe his princess would do anything wrong?”

  “And I should have told you I was thinking of going to England.”

  He stands there for a moment, and then finally says, “Yeah, you should have.”

  He comes over and sits on the chair beside the bed. I lay down and turn enough to see his face. I’m sad and anxious and still worried about how Cole is reacting to all this.

  He puts his hand behind my head, pulls me closer and kisses me gently, then lifts his head.

  “This is goodbye then,” he says quietly. “Have a good life.”

  I’m so stunned, I don’t react when he walks out.

  He’s walked away from me, literally and figuratively.

  Chapter 28

  Cole

  I GET HOME at the same time as the old man’s car pulls up by the garage. When Dad gets out, I can tell he’s been drinking, but he’s climbing out of the passenger side so at least he hasn’t driven himself home this time.

  Then a woman I don’t know gets out the driver’s side.

  I don’t feel like meeting anyone. The stress of the last few hours is getting to me. I just want to get into bed and sleep until morning.

  “Cole, boy, come and meet Rachel,” says the old man.

  The woman who had driven Dad home comes over to the ute.

  “I’m Nicky. Pleased to meet you, Cole.” She shakes hands. She’s nicely spoken and attractive, I can see that in the glow coming from the interior light and she looks around forty, maybe a couple of years younger than the old man.

  “This isn’t the way I wanted us to meet,” she says.

  I see Dad open the boot of the car and pull out an overnight bag. Looks like Nicky is staying the night.

  “It’s fine. Nice to meet you.” How long has Dad had this cooking up? And Nicky looks a step up from what the old man usually brings home. Maybe Nicky’s the reason for the changes he’s making.

  Good on him. One of us might as well be happy.

  Next day, I’m working in the office and get landed with looking after Milly again.

  Tom picked her up from hospital, dropped her off at the house, then left to go back to whatever meeting he’d been called away from yesterday

  I’m still copping it for her stupidity.

  Before he left, Tom said, “Make sure Milly doesn’t do anything today. She has to rest. And this time, do what you’ve been told to do.”

  But I meant it when I said goodbye to her. Yesterday was the end for me. So, Milly’s pretty quiet, and I’m not talking to her.

  “Are you still angry with me?” Milly asks after Tom leaves.

  “Yep.” Of course, I’m still angry. “Now I get to babysit you.”

  “You could look at it as a chance to spend more time with me?” she suggests.

  “Yeah, right.” I’ll stick to working in the office and get one of hands to walk Hunter. All I’m planning on doing is making sure Milly doesn’t get near a horse. As far as I’m concerned, Mrs Bennett can do the babysitting.

  Then it’s getting near the end of the day, Mrs Bennett has gone home, and Tom still isn’t back. Luke has arranged a practice. Noah and Adam are coming over for it.

  I have three choices, I can miss the practice and stay with Milly until Tom gets home, I can take Milly with me, all she’ll be doing is sitting on a sawhorse listening, Tom can’t object to that. Or I can leave her here and go and play the drums. Take some of this anger at Milly out on them.

  I sit there on the end of the couch, elbows on my knees, thinking about what to do. Milly has been all right today, she’s stayed in the house and tried to rest even though she can’t see why, despite what the doctor and her father say. She brought me cups of coffee and sandwiches at lunchtime and tried to get me to talk to her again.

  But I’m not in the mood to be won round. Yesterday, she excelled herself. Was a total bitch. Ordered me around, got angry when I objected, then rode her horse like a maniac, and came off.

  Then when she came to, the first thing she thought of was whether she could still fly to her mother’s. And she hadn’t even told me that she planned on going.

  I glance at Milly sitting on the other end of the couch, legs tucked up under her, head resting on the arm watching me.

  “What’s wrong now, Cole?” she asks. “You can’t still be mad at me. Let’s go upstairs and make love. I want you to hold me.”

  Her suggestion isn’t even tempting. She’s still in the skinny jeans, camisole and sneakers her father took to the hospital for her to change into.

  I stand up. I can’t stand this. I’m going.

  “Yeah, it’d be real good if Tom came home and we were fucking. I don’t think he’d see that as in my job description. Anyway, the others are waiting for me.”

  “But Dad said you had to look after me and he’s not back yet.”

  I look at my watch. “I’m meant to be at the shed.”

  “Can I come?”

  “Nope.” I go over to the door. “You’re safe in the TV room. Nothing to fall off here.”

  She slides off the couch, comes over and puts her arms around me and rests her head on my chest. “You could come to Mum’s with me.”

  I keep my hand on the door handle. That’s something that hadn’t occurred to me.

  “As what?” I ask.

  She looks up at me. “Maybe you could come as my groom? You could help me with the horses there too. I’m sure Dad would pay your fare if I asked, and Joe would give you a job if I wanted it.”

  Yep. All I mean to her, is someone to help with the horses.

  I don’t know enough yet to be a trainer. I can’t ride well enough to do what she does. can’t afford the gear or the horse anyway. And it isn’t like anyone is going to train me as a racing manager if I go to England.

  That leaves going as her minder, and if she doesn’t care if she gets hurt, why should I?

  “Nah. Daddy can’t buy you this toy,” I say to her. Besides I want to play with Stadium at the pub in weekends. I want to learn this new job. And Dad might be starting to get his shit together, but he still can’t look after himself. He’ll finish up dead if I’m not here to keep him in check.

  Milly looks hurt. She drops her arms and steps back. “Why won’t you come with me?”

  “Because we’re over,” I say. “I told you last night.” I’ve broken up with girls before. Plenty more where she came from.

  Milly blinks and steps back a little more. She draws in a deep breath and stands straighter.

  “If that’s what you want,” she says. I’ve never seen her look so classy.

  “Yep. That’s the way I want it.” I’ll avoid her when I’m at work, and then some time in the next couple of weeks, she’ll be gone for good.

  I leave and slam the door behind me.

  At the shed, nobody is practising. They’re all just sitting around. Looks like Isaac hasn’t arrived yet.

  Luke has his arm around Pippa, and they’re sitting side by side on the stage. “We weren’t sure you’d make it. Pippa said Milly got hurt and is in hospital.”

  “She’s home now.”

  “How is she?”

  “Bruised and concussed. She’s meant to be resting.” I lean against the bench. Noah and Adam have pulled up a couple of boxes.

  Pippa stands up. “You shouldn’t be here, Cole. She’s leaving in a few days, isn’t she?”

  “It’s been put off for a while.”

  “Still,” says Pippa. “She must want to spend time with you before she goes.”

  Yeah, right. She’s probably upstairs packing, pleased to have got rid of me.

  Isaac arrives with Jess and Isabelle.

  Jess has Isabelle by the hand. “We’ll wait in the house,” she says to Isaac.

  “No.” Isabelle pulls away from Jess and runs over to Isaac. “Stay with Daddy?” she asks.

  Isaac scoops her up, and she hugs him. Her little arms go around his neck like she’s not letting go.

  He hugs her for a moment too and then balances her on his hip. “If Mummy says its all right you can listen for a while. Then you have to go inside and visit Grandma and Poppa until we’re finished.”

  Isabelle nods, and Jess shrugs and drags up a sawhorse, ready to stay and listen too. This happens a bit when we practice. That kid really loves music. Or maybe its Isaac she loves. It’s easy to see he loves her and Jess. He’s got that sorted.

  I push myself away from the bench. “Are we going to practice?”

  Luke stands up. “Yeah, might as well.”

  I climb onto the stage and go over to the drums.

  Then Pippa gets a text. She reads it and looks over at me.

  I ignore her. If that’s Milly checking up on me, she can take a running jump. I’ve already ignored a couple of texts from her. She deserves to be dumped. When I wouldn’t do what she wanted she got mad and put herself in danger, all the time she was keeping it a secret that she was leaving.

  I whack the cymbals hard. She’s a bitch. She might have done what I asked today, and been nice, but that doesn’t make up for the rest

  I see Pippa go over to Luke and say something to him. Luke nods, fishes in his pocket and gives her his car keys.

  “Back in a minute,” Pippa says as she leaves.

  The first run-through of Stardust starts, and I pull my mind back to the music and wait for Luke to come in then we work our way through the number.

  I do my best to keep up, but I keep thinking, maybe I shouldn’t have left Milly on her own. I knew what Tom wanted me to do. Maybe, I should have been kinder, all day she’d tried to please me. And maybe, I’d been a bit blunt about dropping her.

  But she didn’t ask me to change my mind. The cymbals get an angry whack. She let me leave. If that’s what you want, she’d said.

  Luke stops singing, lowers the microphone, and turns and looks at me. “Are you even listening to the rest of us?” he asks.

  “Sorry.” I put the drumsticks down. I can’t concentrate. I should go back to the house and stay with Milly until Tom gets home.

  Luke steps down off the stage. “We’ll take a break and let the drummer get his shit together.”

  Noah, Luke, and Adam launch into analysing what we played. I sit behind the drums, pick up the drumsticks again and try to decide what to do. Stay and finish this, or go back to the house and talk to Milly?

  Then the shed door opens, and Pippa comes through followed by Milly who looks a bit damp around the edges.

  I should have stayed with her.

  Can you undo dumping someone? Do I want to? She still has that death wish. And she’s still leaving.

  Pippa isn’t undecided. She says something to Milly, comes to the edge of the stage, climbs up onto the pallets and strides over to me.

  “You dumped her!” she hisses. “What were you thinking?”

  I’m not having someone interfering in my business again, even if I’ve known them all my life. “Stay out of this, Pip.” I play the flourish I should have played a couple of minutes ago. I’m not going to stick with Milly and watch her kill herself.

  She leans in and speaks quietly. “No, I won’t.” She grabs the drumsticks, wrenches them out of my hands, then faces up to me, hands on her hips.

  “I’ve seen the way you look at her.” She waves the drumsticks at Milly.

  Milly is back to looking restrained and classy. I know her well enough now to know that is just the way she acts when she’s unsure of herself. But she must have texted Pippa and asked her to come and get her.

  Maybe that was because the doctor said she couldn’t drive for a few days. Maybe it is Pippa and Milly working it, so I give Milly a lift home.

  That isn’t going to happen.

  “Mind your own business.” I try to grab the drumsticks off Pippa.

  She steps back. “No.”

  Luke, Adam and Noah are all watching the argument.

  “Give him back the sticks, Pip,” says Luke. “Break’s over.”

  “No,” says Pippa, then turns back to me and waves a drumstick in a threatening way. “Milly wants to talk to you, and I’m going to use these to knock some sense into your head if you don’t get over there and sort this out. You love her. She loves you. You’re not going to let her leave without patching things up, whatever happened.”

  Jesus, I’m surrounded by bossy females.

  Luke climbs onto the pallets again. “Give him the sticks and get off the stage, Pippa. He’s big enough to sort his own sex life.”

  “Typical,” Pippa fires at him. “That’s all you think of.”

  I leap down off the pallets. I don’t need Luke and Pippa fighting over Milly and me. I’ll go find out what she wants to say. I owe her that.

  I go over to her. The ‘been crying look’ is still there, and she bites her lip when I get close.

  I’ve really upset her. The only other time I’ve seen her cry was when I’d killed one of her horses. I should have known her saying if that’s what you want’ was an act.

  “Come on.” I sling an arm around her shoulders then turn her towards the door. I don’t know how this will turn out; I’m still not pleased with her, but I don’t need an audience for whatever happens next.

  I hear Luke mutter. “Looks like we’re taking a longer break.”

  Outside dusk is closing in. Someone must have mowed the lawns earlier. They roll out past the house, the grass smooth and green like dark velvet.

  “What do you want to do?” Milly might want to go back home.

  “Could we sit over there?” She nods at a seat under a tree. She sounds tired. Maybe her father and the doctor are right. She should rest.

  “Okay.” At least we’ll be sitting down, and nobody will hear what we’re saying.

  Under the tree, Milly sits on the bench. I sit beside her and lean forward, elbows on my knees, fingers linked. We sit there without talking for a while.

  Then Milly swivels around a bit, so she’s facing me. “Isaac’s parents’ have beautiful gardens, don’t they?”

  Now she wants to talk about gardens! I lean back, shove my hands in my pockets, glance at her, and I’m caught again by the way she looks and moves.

  “Yeah.” She’s so small compared to me, and graceful. Her hair long and straight and shiny like a horse’s tail. It glows mahogany where the last rays of the sun catch it. The flawless creamy skin, except for the bruise on her cheek, the eyes, amber with dark brown flecks. Yep, she’s beautiful.

  And maybe, Pippa is right, maybe dumping her because she is leaving and because she keeps taking risks means I don’t want her to go and don’t want her to get hurt and that probably means that I love her.

  “Pippa said you wanted to talk.”

  But she still has that bruise on her cheek and got knocked out because she chose to ride a horse that couldn’t be trusted.

  Milly tucks one leg up the way she does. “You do still like me, don’t you?”

  “Maybe. When you don’t get me in the shit with Tom.”

  She looks down at her hands.

  “And don’t come off my horse?”

  “And don’t end up in hospital.”

  “I’ll be more careful then,” she says.

  “Yeah, right.” I can’t imagine her not pushing her horses to their limits. That’s who she is. Either I accept that or stick with finishing things now.

  I get to the main point. “And don’t plan on going halfway across the world without telling me.”

  She bites her lip. “I was going to tell you but didn’t know how.”

  “Cole, I’m buggering off in a week, would have worked.”

  She gives a bit of a smile. “I’m sorry. I sort of thought if you could learn to ride like me, and you could come with me.”

  “Bloody hell.” Well, that explained some of that shit in the arena. “How long have you been riding dressage?”

  “Since I first got on a horse.”

  “Ten? Twelve years? And you thought I could learn in a week?”

  Milly shrugs. “You can ride. But it probably wasn’t one of my best ideas.”

  I give her a grin. “It shows a lot of faith in me.” It has to be one of bloody, stupidest ideas I’ve ever heard.

  I gently touch the bruise on her cheek. Can I accept this is the way she wants to live?

 

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