Arriving at Dark Avenue, the three Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and little Sunny, begin their new life with Jerome and Esme Squalor. Jerome is a kind man, but he agrees unquestioningly with everything said by his wife, who is the city's sixth most important financial advisor. The Baudelaires find themselves in a strange world of in things: aqueous martinis (consisting of water with an olive), pinstripe suits (even for infant Sunny) and meals only involving salmon. Sadly, elevators are out, and the children are obliged to walk the many steps up to the Squalors' penthouse. Even more sadly, they soon meet Count Olaf again, disguised as the auctioneer Gunther, and discover that the ersatz elevator is not an elevator at all, but a shaft in which the Quagmire triplets are imprisoned. When they tell Esme of the triplets' fate, she shocks them by throwing them down the elevator too and revealing herself to be in league with Count Olaf. Sunny manages to escape using her teeth, and help her siblings out, who run down the ersatz passageway to emerge - in a spectacular climax - in the charred remains of their parents' mansion! With no time to reflect, they run to Esme's In Auction, hoping to save the Quagmires, but Esme and Olaf escape with the triplets, and the Baudelaires are once more left with only each other to rely on

The seventh book in Lemony Snicket's splendidly gloomy Series of Unfortunate Events shadows the three Baudelaire orphans as they plummet headlong into their next misadventure. Mr. Poe, their ineffective legal guardian, having exhausted all options for finding them a new home with relatives (including their 19th cousin), sadly entrusts his young charges' fate to a progressive guardian program formed with the premise "It takes a village to raise a child." Before they know it, the Baudelaires are being whisked off on a bus to a village (vile) named "V.F.D." Snicket fans who read The Austere Academy and The Ersatz Elevator will jump to see these three initials, as they provide a clue to the tragic disappearance of the Baudelaires' friends, the beloved, equally orphaned Quagmire triplets. To the orphans' dismay, V.F.D. is covered in crows--so much so that the whole village is pitch-black and trembling. "The crows weren't squawking or cawing, which is what crows often do, or playing the trumpet, which crows practically never do, but the town was far from silent. The air was filled with the sounds the crows made as they moved around." Another disturbing element of the town is that the Council of Elders (who wear creepy crow hats) has thousands of rules, such as "don't hurt crows" and "don't build mechanical devices." Fortunately, the Baudelaires are taken in by a kindly handyman named Hector who cooks them delicious Mexican food and secretly breaks rules. Still, neither Hector nor an entire village can protect the orphans from the clutches of the money-grubbing Count Olaf, who has relentlessly pursued them (actually, just their fortune) since The Bad Beginning. Fans won't want to miss any of this marvelously morbid series! (Ages 9 and older) --Karin Snelson

Make no mistake. The Bad Beginning begins badly for the three Baudelaire children, and then gets worse. Their misfortunes begin one gray day on Briny Beach when Mr. Poe tells them that their parents perished in a fire that destroyed their whole house. "It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time that followed," laments the personable (occasionally pedantic) narrator, who tells the story as if his readers are gathered around an armchair on pillows. But of course what follows is dreadful. The children thought it was bad when the well-meaning Poes bought them grotesque-colored clothing that itched. But when they are ushered to the dilapidated doorstep of the miserable, thin, unshaven, shiny-eyed, money-grubbing Count Olaf, they know that they--and their family fortune--are in real trouble. Still, they could never have anticipated how much trouble. While it's true that the events that unfold in Lemony Snicket's novels are bleak, and things never turn out as you'd hope, these delightful, funny, linguistically playful books are reminiscent of Roald Dahl (remember James and the Giant Peach and his horrid spinster aunts), Charles Dickens (the orphaned Pip in Great Expectations without the mysterious benefactor), and Edward Gorey (The Gashlycrumb Tinies). There is no question that young readers will want to read the continuing unlucky adventures of the Baudelaire children in The Reptile Room and The Wide Window. (Ages 9 and older) --Karin Snelson

Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colorful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks? A carnival is a place for good family fun, as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at a carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events. In fact, in this appalling ninth installment in Lemony Snicket's serial, the siblings must confront a terrible lie, an ambidextrous person, a caravan, and Chabo the wolf baby.

The eleventh in the dreadful Series of Unfortunate Events continuing the story of the Baudelaire orphans. Read by Tim Curry. Listen if you dare! Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent, and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to alarm its distressed and suspicious fans the world over. The eleventh book in this outrageous publishing effort features more than the usual dose of distressing details. This is one chilling recording you would be better off without.

In The Bad Beginning, things, well, begin badly for the three Baudelaire orphans. And sadly, events only worsen in The Reptile Room. In the third in Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events, there is still no hope on the horizon for these poor children. Their adventures are exciting and memorable, but, as the author points out, "exciting and memorable like being chased by a werewolf through a field of thorny bushes at midnight with nobody around to help you." This story begins when the orphans are being escorted by the well-meaning Mr. Poe to yet another distant relative who has agreed to take them in since their parents were killed in a horrible fire. Aunt Josephine, their new guardian, is their second cousin's sister-in-law, and she is afraid of everything. Her house (perched precariously on a cliff above Lake Lachrymose) is freezing because she is afraid of the radiator exploding, she eats cold cucumber soup because she's afraid of the stove, and she doesn't answer the telephone due to potential electrocution dangers. Her greatest joy in life is grammar, however, and when it comes to the proper use of the English language, she is fearless. But just when she should be the most fearful--when Count Olaf creeps his way back to find the Baudelaire orphans and steal their fortune--she somehow lets her guard down. Once again, it is up to Violet, Klaus, and Sunny to get themselves out of danger. Will they succeed? We haven't the stomach to tell you. (Ages 9 to 12) --Karin Snelson

Lemony Snicket lovers, it's unfortunate, but it's true: Book the Tenth is here, and it's as chillingly cheerless as ever! Picking up where Book the Ninth left off, Violet and Klaus are stuck in the rolling caravan and are desperate to rescue their sister, Sunny. Thankfully, they roll to safety by the skin of their sad teeth, but little do they realize that their trek into the Mortmain Mountains will bring them face to face with a horde of stinging snow gnats, a group of bizarre snow scouts, and eventually Count Olaf himself. But Snicket's installment isn't as hopeless as it may sound -- there are many juicy hints inside as to the mystery of V.F.D., the fate of the Baudelaire parents, and even how Snicket himself fits into the whole series. The slippery author's tenth entry includes surprises at every turn -- particularly when a long-forgotten character turns up -- and fans will be aching to find out what happens next in this alpine-themed cliff-hanger that's an important piece of Snicket's puzzle.

Dear Reader, You are presumably looking at the back of this book, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you read the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope. This book is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can't stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents. It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this book at once, so the end does not finish you. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket

Fleeing the village of VFD, after some time in the Deluxe cell for a murder they did not commit, the Baudelaires hide with the Volunteers Fighting Disease on their way to the Heimlich Hospital. Addressed by Babs, who can only be contacted through an intercom speaker on a desk, the orphans start work with the near-sighted Hal in the hospital library of records. Hal says he remembers a file in the records to do with the Snicket fires, but before the children can find it, Babs is suddenly replace by Mattathias - none other than Count Olaf - who plans to inspect every employee in the hospital. Staying late to find the file, the Baudelaires find a picture of their parents with Jacques Snicket, and another, partly obscured figure who may be a writer. But at that moment Esme Squalor arrives - Klaus and Sunny escape, but Violet is led to the operating theatre for a cranioectomy. Disguising themselves, Klaus and Sunny manage to rescue the unconscious Violet, but not before Esme has set fire to the library of records, adding arson to the false charges now facing the children. Chased through the now burning hospital, they make their escape, only to discover that the only way out is to hide in the trunk of Count Olaf's car - possibly the most dangerous place of all.

"You're not children anymore," a desperate Kit Snicket tells Violet, Klaus and Sunny in the opening pages of Lemony Snicket's THE PENULTIMATE PERIL. "You're volunteers, ready to face the challenges of a desperate and perplexing world." Indeed, in this adventure the profoundly unlucky Baudelaire orphans face dilemmas more perplexing and desperate than any they've faced in the previous eleven books in A Series of Unfortunate Events.Now that they've reached the Hotel Denouement, the hapless siblings must pose as concierges, heavily disguised to protect their identities, and discern the true motives and identities of the hotel's many mysterious guests. Indeed, during their explorations of the massive hotel, the Baudelaires encounter characters from nearly every one of their previous misadventures (including that cakesniffer Carmelita and the always "in" Esme Squalor).The Hotel Denouement is full of secrets, able to be unlocked only by those who really understand the Dewey Decimal System. From the rooftop sunbathing deck to the laundry room, the Baudelaires try to sort out the volunteers from the villains, hoping against hope that they're not "wrong, wrong, wrong."Lemony Snicket's twelfth book lacks none of the verbal wit and clever snarkiness that have made this series so popular. Indeed, now that youngest sibling Sunny is speaking more clearly, her dialogue contributes even more to the clever wordplay at which these books excel. Some surprising secrets are in store, as well as a real cliffhanger of an ending, which promises to make the series much more complex than anyone would have imagined.Even though Lemony Snicket would tell you to toss THE PENULTIMATE PERIL into the nearest puddle or pond, it's definitely worth keeping up with the ongoing saga of the world's most trouble-prone siblings. The only unfortunate thing will be the wait for the series's final installment!

Mr Poe delivers the three Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and little Sunny, to their new guardian, the owner of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill in Paltryville. But far from living in the mill, they rapidly discover they will be working there and even worse, there is a book in the library by a Dr Orwell, sinisterly shaped like Count Olaf's eye tattoo. Each morning Foreman Flacutono wakes the workers by banging metal pots together and directs them through a day of arduous logscraping, with only chewing gum for lunch and damp casserole for dinner. Their guardian, a terrifying man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, known only as 'Sir', proposes unsatisfactorily that if they work in his mill, he'll 'try' to keep Count Olaf away. Klaus trips over Foreman Flacutono's strategically placed foot and his glasses get broken. He returns from the village eye doctor, none other than Dr Orwell, strangely changed. Violet believes Klaus has been hypnotised, and when they discover Dr Orwell's receptionist, Shirley, is really Count Olaf dressed horribly, her worst fears are confirmed. Dr Orwell herself becomes the victim of the nasty accident at the lumbermill she, Foreman Flacutono and Shirley have arranged. Sir decides to pack the children off to their next dismal adventure at The Austere Academy.

The Austere Academy continues Lemony Snicket's Series of Unfortunate Events, the deliciously morbid set of books that began with The Bad Beginning and only got worse. In The Austere Academy, Violet, Klaus and Sunny are at first optimistic--attending school is a welcome change for the book-loving trio, and the academy is allegedly safe from the dreaded Count Olaf, who is after their fortune. Hope dissipates quickly, however, when they meet Vice Principal Nero, a self-professed genius violinist who sneeringly imitates their every word. More dreadful still, he houses them in the tin Orphans Shack, crawling with toe-biting crabs and dripping with a mysterious tan fungus. A beam of light shines through the despair when the Baudelaires meet the Quagmires, two of three orphaned triplets who are no strangers to disaster and sympathize with their predicament. When Count Olaf appears on the scene disguised as Coach Genghis (covering his monobrow with a turban and his ankle tattoo with expensive running shoes), the Quagmires resolve to come to the aid of their new friends. Sadly, this proves to be a hideous mistake. Snicket disarms us again with his playful juxtapositions--only he can compare bombs with strawberry shortcake (both are as dangerous to make as assumptions), muse on how babies adjust developmentally to the idea of curtains, or ponder why the Baudelaire orphans would not want to be stalks of celery despite their incessant bad luck as humans. We can't get enough of this splendid series of misadventures, and can only wager that swarms of young readers will be right next to us in line for the next installment. (Ages 9 and older) --Karin Snelson

This story has a happy ending. No, wait, that was a different tape... Dear Customer, If you have picked up this sheet, you have probably not read the warning so clearly outlined in my prior message. This story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire orphans spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle. But don't be fooled. The three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odour, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp and the reappearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again. I have made a solemn vow to present this information to the public, but there is nothing stopping you from tearing up this paper and pretending you've never heard of this CD. Then you can sell something that is less unpleasant. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket